Tuesday, October 2, 2012

We have a name!!! 20-21 weeks

During the past two weeks we have decided on a final name. Our sweet girl will be a sweet little Delaney Grace! These past two weeks have been amazing. I am feeling her move all the time, which I couldnt love more! She tends to be a night owl and start moving tons right after dinner time and until I go to sleep with is around 1am. Last night however, I was up late and couldnt sleep, She was moving like crazy at 3am! This girl clearly doesnt know the difference between night and day! I guess its a good thing her MaMa is night owl as well.  Her moving and kicking is getting stronger, I cannot wait for the hubby to be able to feel her from the outside!!! So far this ride has been amazing and at 22 weeks tomorrow, Im not ready for it to be over. I am truly enjoying every second of this amazing journey. I thank God everyday that he has answered our prayers!!

How Far Along:  21w 5d

Size of Baby:  Banana and she is over a pound now!
What You’re Doing:  Still working out the moving thing, which is stressful while pregnant to say the least. But anticipating decorating the nursery!
Cravings:  Mac and cheese with jalapenos (lol), and bananas lately. Anything pasta as always. And I really dont like meat!
Sleep: Although I toss and turn still all night, I have been really starting to get used to sleeping on my sides. I can still lay on my belly, but Delaney doesnt seem to like it, she moves like crazy when I do, so I try to avoid it!
Sex of Baby: Sweet baby GIRL
Weight Gain: I have actually lost 2lbs.... 
Names: Delaney Grace
Symptoms: still RLP, more so on the right side.
Fetal Movement: She moves and rolls like crazy! No particular kicks yet, just all around moving!
What you’re looking forward to: Her first real kick!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

19 weeks

Week: 19

I cant believe we are here already! For me this is the 1/2 point since we will be induced at 39 weeks. I prayed so hard for 12 weeks to get here and now we are half way. I am just in shock still.

I feel pretty good lately! I am also so thankful for such a great pregnancy so far! Aside from not being able to sleep and my left hip aching a lot I have no other real symptoms!

How Far Along:  19 weeks 6 days

Size of Baby:  cantelope and at her anatomy scan on last friday she weighed 11 ounces! 
What You’re Doing:  planning planning and planning. We should be moving here soon, and I can't wait to start the nursery! Our shower is right around the corner as well!
Cravings: Still applesauce and mostly carbs! Pizza, pretzels, pasta.. you name it!
Sleep: I wish... I can't fall asleep and once I do, I cant stay asleep. I toss and turn a ton. 
Sex of Baby: Sweet baby GIRL
Weight Gain: Notta! But since baby measured good I am not too worried. I have added ensure into my diet so maybe that will help..
Names: We have officially picked a name... Announcement will come soon, we are not ready to share! :)
Symptoms: RLP when I go to stand from sitting, rapid heart rate, and the hunger is starting to pick up!
Fetal Movement: I can definitely feel her moving more. Its not a kick like feel, but more so a fishy! 
What you’re looking forward to: Her first real kick! I can't wait till she does it hard enough it stops me in my tracks!!!

Tomorrow marks the official completion of 20 weeks! I cant believe it. I want her here so bad, yet this is all going way to fast! 

Its a.....

Week 18:

On Sept 2nd, 2012 we shared our news with our family and closest friends. I am so glad that we decided to do this in a way that allowed us all to find out this news together. My best friend A, was so sweet and offered to help in any way she could. Ultimately she would get the best job ever! She got our special envelope on Friday and was able to peek before taking it to the party supply store to fill the box with balloons coordinating in the correct color of our baby's gender. On Saturday she brought the box to the party..... Heres our party pics!

Are you ready??????

Its a.......


We are so incredibly blessed to be welcoming a sweet baby girl into our families. January cannot come fast enough!!!

Week 17

Week 17:
we had our gender ultrasound at 16w6 days! The secret is in the envelope! I am excited to find out, and cannot believe that this envelope in out hands has the one thing we are dying to know!!!! The pictures from the ultrasound are in 3d, and to be honest, i think only a mommy can love those this early! lol. Here are a few from that day! 

 You can see its eyes, nose an hands my the face in the first one. The second pic is baby facing forward and you can see belly! Next week we will know if baby is a He or  She!!!! Stay tuned!

Updates galore! weeks 6-16

Ok, So, I slacked... But, I have been keeping track of what I want to document for myself over the past weeks that I did not get on here to post. I was going to do this in all separate posts, however, I have decided to just do it all in one! Here is the low -down from weeks 6-16! I will update weekly from now on, not just to update here, but because Im finally comfortable enough in thinking this little bundle of joy is our rainbow baby! Time to be realistic!

6 Weeks: 7/13/2012
After our scare at 5 weeks, I was sure our trip to florida would be cancelled. We had an 2 ultrasounds and no more bleeding and everything was great, as we were told by the RE. I asked him a million times if it was ok to go to Florida, would I be risking anything, What if something happens? His answer: Go, have fun, everything is fine now, if something happens its nothing we could have foreseen. I thought about it night after night, and agreed, I needed to go. We left right at 6 weeks. The week was amazing! And much to my surprise... MORNING SICKNESS set in while we were there! I had to go and buy some sea-bands to help ease the nausea that would strike me suddenly through out the day.  Most days it would happen during the after noon. The bands really worked and I wore them the entire time! We came home on the 18th and my next appt was the 19th.
Here is the pic from that day measuring 7weeks 2 days (only really 6w5 days)

7 Weeks: This week was pretty uneventful. Occasional morning sickness here and there. And im still just very unmotivated. Im not too tired, just the lack of energy to get off the couch.

8 Weeks: This week I have much more bloating. Wore the belly band a ton to help with that. Im peeing all the time, including through the night which is so annoying, lol.  Ive had a few restless nights where I would have to take benadryal just to actually fall asleep. Started to have some cravings. So far applesauce is my fav! And my food aversion is spaghetti o's, which makes me sad because I love them! Heres this weeks appt photo right at 8 weeks. Baby measured spot on And we graduated to the OB!!!! Next week is my appt with the High Risk doctor and OB. Im excited and nervous all at the same time. Never thought we would get to these appointments!!!

9 Weeks: Tons of appointments this week. High risk doctor checked out great, he said everything was progressing as it should and baby looked great! Heartbeat was in the 170s. I had a pre-ob appt with the regular OB. Got a bag of goodies! This is finally starting to feel real. Asked about tons and tons of stuff at the appointment, lol. Luckily most everything was covered in the papers she gave me. Also had my first OB appointment with My ob on the 9th of July. It was amazing. She is so kind and considerate and helpful. I am blessed to have someone like her as my OB.   This weeks picture is adorable and Baby looks like a real baby!
symptoms are still pretty mild. Morning sickness is less and less every weeks.

10 Weeks: This week was very uneventful as well. I actually love that, surprisingly. I hate that sometimes I dont feel pregnant at all, but I guess thats normal as the second trimester approaches! Starting to crave spicy food now, as well as the applesauce! And, my food aversion now is left overs, I just cannot do it. lol My appt with OB went great, we graduated to a regular ultrasound!!! Woo hoo! no pic because baby was moving all over!!! HB still 160's Starting to get a little bump!
Symptoms this week included my cervix hurting and RLP.

11 weeks: Baby bump is a bit more there now! Pains in cervix have sense went away. I was concerned and asked the doctor about incompetent cervix. She assured me that I was ok! lol. Next appointment isnt  until 7-30 which is our NT scan! Cant wait!

12.5 weeks: NT scan was amazing. Drinking 64 ounces of water in an hour, not amazing, lol. I had to empty my bladder 2 times both just a little and then a 3rd time all the way to get all the measurements! Best news was that the numbers were under where they needed to be at a 1.8. We were sooo happy! Got a few pictures and went for blood work! I also ordered a doppler from which is an organization that offers dopplers free of charge to those who have suffered a miscarriage before. I cannot wait for that to come in the mail!!!!
Symptom wise I feel great! Some stretching here and there but not more m/s and I tried spaghetti o's again, this time I liked them, not loved them, but its a start!

13 Weeks:  Second trimester! I cannot believe it. I still think back in May when I just prayed we would make it to the end of July. We are so blessed and so thankful for this amazing miracle! We are also facebook official! Heres our pic from the announcement!
I had a court date set up this week with my ex-employer, I was very stressed which angers me because I know this isnt good for the baby. I just prayed and prayed that I would get through it. And, the employer withdrew her appeal. Court was cancelled!!! Nerves are relaxed!!! :)

14 Weeks: Nothing new to report this week except that Im officially in maternity clothes. Shirts and pants! So exciting to see that tiny bump! here is my little bump from this week. I bought jeans from the thrift store for 7 dollars! Score!

15 weeks: Where has the time gone? I cannot believe that we are in the 2nd tri, let alone almost 1/2 way there! Pure bliss! symptoms are increasing again, boobs are more sore than they had been as well as much more full, and the restlessness has returned. I have also begun to pee more again, it let up around 12 weeks for a while.

16 weeks: I feel great! I have my energy back, I often forget im pregnant, aside from the baby bump that prevent non maternity clothes from fitting as well as a reminder when I look in the mirror! I am loving every second of this pregnancy and have been researching baby stuff galore! I am up 3 lbs from the start of the pregnancy and am in all maternity clothes at this point. My skin has also cleared up from the first Trimester, although my hair is still falling out. I love spicy food, applesauce, fruit, and candy. I also crave milk sometimes, yuck! lol. I dont like much meat or leftovers. I am starting to feel sporadic flutters, maybe its the baby maybe its not. Not sure yet.
I am still quiet moody, but not as much as the first trimester. And I tire easier than normal. I am still getting used to everyone touching my belly, lol, im not sure I like that too much, but Ill get used to it. I know my family is soo excited and if that makes them happy, it makes me happy!
We have our elective ultrasound at the end of this week. Tuesday the 28th! I cannot believe that time is already here!!! We are keeping the gender a secret, even from us, until the 1st at our gender reveal party! I am so anxious to know what it is!!!!

Heres my stats so far!!! Baby is as big as an avocado!

How Far Along:  16 weeks 2 days
Size of Baby:  4.6 inches and 3.5 ounces
What You’re Doing:  Adjusting to pregnancy life! Trying to convince myself we are having a baby! 
Cravings: Still applesauce, spicy food, and some sweets, sometimes milk. 
Sleep: not going to well.. Im tired, but very restless at night. Right now im taking benadryl to sleep, going to ask the doctor about that when I got back in 2 weeks. 
Sex of Baby: dont know yet!
Weight Gain: 3 lbs total (but this time i was in jeans and shoes, that could be the 3 lbs, we will see next week!)
Names: I like Paisley Grace for a Girl, and Cruz for a boy. We have many other names. But these two I like for now.
Symptoms: RLP when moving around and sneezing! Sore boobs
Fetal Movement: Not sure if what I feel is baby. I feel faint flutters every once in a while. 
What you’re looking forward to: Our ultrasound on the 28th! I cannot wait! As well as our gender reveal party on the 1st!

Friday, August 24, 2012

Monday, June 11, 2012

5 weeks (late) oops!

So, in order to track absolutely everything, I am going to attempt to do a questionnaire every week or so.  Today is 5 weeks and I couldnt be more excited. Things are progressing normal and I just cant wait to feel the sense of relief with a hopeful heartbeat at the ultrasound. Fingers crossed. 

How far along: 5 weeks!
Total weight gain/loss: I gained 4lbs since the start of ivf, lost 2 this week
Maternity clothes: some pants require the bellaband, mostly because im just so bloated from IVF and also, the bruised up belly from the lovenox shots hurts with stuff pushing on it.
Sleep: Im tired ALL THE TIME
Best moment this week: 2nd @ 3rd  beta doubling in 36 hours! 
Movement: not yet
Food cravings: no actual cravings, nothing is really appealing, so It takes me a long time to decide what to eat. 
Gender: to early, not sure if we will find out or not
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out: In
What I miss: nothing! 
What I am looking forward to: Our first ultrasound which I get to schedule this week as well as Florida on the 14th
Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy every second!
Milestones: Fantastic 2nd beta!

Scary weekend to say the least

Ok, I was MIA this week/weekend, but with good reason... Heres how it went

Monday June 4th: I went to a birthday celebration at a friends. During one of my frequent trips to the potty I notice spotting. Well not actually notice, I mean, I do still check and inspect the toilet paper EVERY single time I use the bathroom. I freaked out, but held it together because of where I was. It was brown, and from what Ive read and heard from my doc, Brown is ok.
This persists all week till Friday when finally its pretty much gone.

Sat: I wake at 11:00am to find blood, everywhere! Ok, well, not really everywhere, but all over my cute undies. I freak out again, start shaking and walk into our bedroom to tell my hubby. "I think we are having a miscarriage" then, I lost it. I start sobbing, hyperventilating, crying, gasping, everything. The whole nine yards.  I was sure it was over.
I tell my husband to call my RE's office. But ofcourse since its sat, the office is closed for calling. I quickly remembered that I had my RE's cell number because of a gallbladder attack that landed me in the hospital just a few weeks before. My hubby calls his cell. " If the bleeding gets worse or she starts cramping go to the er. If not, just come in at 7 tomorrow"

Ok, I try to compose myself, but lack the ability to even function. I go to my bedroom and sob. I cried and cried and cried. I couldnt believe this was happening again. Why me, why do I have to lose so many babies?

Throughout the day I never left the bed except to use the bathroom. I layed on my left side to help with the bleeding, holding on to any hope that I had left.

By midnight, the bleeding was just spotting and starting to turn brown. By morning, just brown spotting.

We go to the ultrasound and the tech tells the nurse there is nothing big enough to measure. WHAT? Thats impossible, Im 5w4d, there has to be SOMETHING there! No answers, and the nurse says that the doctor will call us in the afternoon.

Hours went by and finally the nurse calls back. She says " Dr. wants you to come back tomorrow for another ultrasound, he doesnt understand what the tech was doing and there is no way that the information she gave was correct.

This brings us to today.
amazing news: Ultrasound was done by the doctor and everything measured exactly right! 5w5d CRL and the tiniest heart beginning to beat!

sad news: the bleeding was likely caused by a lost twin. Going into IVF I wish for 1 healthy perfect little baby. I am elated to know that as of today I have that perfect baby, however, my heart does hurt knowing that 1 of my babies didnt make it, But i have to be strong and happy that I have a baby growing!

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Beta #'s 1&2

136 was my beta on Friday at 12dp3dt or 15 dpo. My beta today at 14dp3dt or 17dpo was 336! Thats a doubling time of 36.7 hours! So excited with this amazing news, this is finally starting to feel real! Im still very cautious but very very optimistic! God, thank you, words cannot explain how grateful I am!

Next appt Moday for 3rd beta, and then I get to schedule my ULTRASOUND! YAY!

Grow Rock Star GROW!!!

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Babies first pic!!!

Dont know if 1 or 2 implanted, but at this point it doesnt matter. I am happy either way!
Such beautiful babies!!!

I POAS.....

And, I cannot believe that I am able to say this..... IM PREGNANT!!!!! Its still very very early as I am only 8dp3dt but it was positive. We are in such awe right now, and although I know things can change in an instant, I am enjoying every single second!

P.S if you know me in person... This is still a big secret!!!

Heres the test, look hard!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

3 snowbabies!!!

I cant believe it, But the last remaining 3 embryos that we did not transfer made it to blasts stage and were frozen! I am in awe. What an amazing day!!! Stats to follow... Just waiting to talk to the doctor!

Sunday, May 20, 2012


Im officially PUPO!!!! Pregnant until proven otherwise!!! And I cant believe it!

Aside from bedrest sucking because I am so board. I am elated, I am so happy, I am content! I just pray pray pray that these babies or baby stick around. Until then, I will do everything I can to encourage that growth and implantation!!!


Ill post a pic of our two embabies later, for now, laying on the couch!
Life is great right now, And I dont ever want to forget this feeling of bliss!!!

I just hope it lasts!


I get to pick my Embabies up today!!! I dont know how many yet, or how they are, but im happy!!!

Morning started out amazing, had acupuncture at 7am, which was my first time, and I loved it! I was so relaxed and just ready for the transfer!

When we arrived at the clinic, I got undressed, and started drinking the water for the ultrasound. I drank about 48 ounces  and felt pretty full, but it wasnt enough. I had to drink more. I think I ended up with about 80 some ounces. But anyways, The RE came to my room and said " You have some great looking embryos!:" Can you believe it! My 5 all made it and look great! What a reliefe!!! I actually high fived the doctor I was so excited!!!! (p.s that was after the valium, lol)

I had went into this thinking I would want to transfer 3 on day 3. But he insisted on only 2, and that 3 would really up the chances of triplets! So 2 rock stars it is!!! The transfer went amazing! I couldnt ask for a more perfect day!!!

May 18th

So, even though I know that they dont check the embryos on day 2, I had to call the RE to  tell them my fears of none making it to transfer....

She quickly reassured me that if for some reason they thought that they wouldnt make it, we would have already knew. And that if for some god awful reason something changes, we would know before the appt on Sat..

This finally put my nerves at ease. Even if only 1 made it, I was happy we would get a chance!

Day after ER...

Got another call today from the RE.... More sad news... Of the 14 retrieved only 6 were mature and of those 6, 5 fertilized with ICSI....

We are scheduled for a 3 day transfer on Sat... Please please please embabies make it till then...

Egg retrieval!!!

On mothers day, I went back into the RE for ultrasound and blood work and I had 35+ follicles!!!! 18 were mature that day and tons of others on their way! I was ecstatic! I would lower my dose of Menopur to 75ui and keep follistim the same. Appt Monday morning to check things out!

Monday morning: Everything looks amazing and its time to trigger! I triggered at 830 Monday night for our retrieval on Wednesday morning at 730.

Wednesday morning couldn't come fast enough, I was sore, so sore it was hard to move, sleep, or even function. It was a rough couple days for sure. Wednesday came and we were on our way to retrieval!

Once we arrived at the clinic I got into one of those super flattering gowns that hardly covered my butt and got into bed! The anesthesiology came to insert my iv and had to poke me 3 times. That was horrible. I hate having bad veins. But once it was in, it was fine. I got some meds to relax, went to the bathroom one last time, said bye to the hubby, and went to the ER room.

Once on the table, legs in stirrups, and arms out on separate parts of the table, A mask was placed on me to breath in some oxygen. Then the real drugs were inserted in my iv. To la la land I went.

I awoke in the recovery area and felt some pretty strong cramps and really had to pee! I asked to pee, even though I was clearly still asleep, and they said they would bring a bed pan. I nixed that Idea and just held it! I got some pain meds and asked how many we got..... That's when my world came crashing down beside me.

14..... The doctor tells me... the rest were empty. I was devastated. How could that happen? How could more than half of the follicles that were growing so big and making me so uncomfortable just be empty? I went home and did what any other crazy person would do... consulted Dr. Google....

Empty Follicle syndrome is what I came up with. Causes, reasons, success after, treatments, and other personal stories.. I wasn't alone.

I found lots of resources that i will use in case we do have to do ivf again, which at this point, looks likes the case....

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Be Gentle

I came across something like this on some one elses blog. Ironically, the time frames add up exactly.
So, here is my story, what is it like living with infertility.

What can I say? It's seeing your life on hold, while you watch everyone's flying by. It's wanting something so precious, but increasingly elusive. It's wanting to hold a baby in your arms. Not someone else's baby, but your baby.

It's wanting to be pregnant. To be sick. To have swollen ankles. To stay up all night, rocking a screaming newborn.

And trying, at first casually, then slightly worried, frantically, desperately, and devastatingly, numbingly.

It's trying everything, absolutely everything. It's being on prenatals, just in case. It's thinking about what you will be doing next year for Christmas, you know, when you have a baby. And then next year. And then the year after that.

It's planning how you will announce the news. For Easter we will put the good news in an Easter Egg, around Mother's Day we will give a rattle as a gift, for Halloween we will dress up as a Bun in the Oven.

It was maybe silly, but you spent hours thinking about it. And hours thinking about names. Writing them down. Trying different spellings. Realizing that Atticus Scott Stewart had an unfortunate acronym.

It's mourning the life you dreamed. It's trying to adjust to the might nots. It's protecting your increasingly delicate heart. It's sobbing every month, because you were a little late, you thought maybe this time. Month, after month, after month. 72 months of trying, 2,190 days of hoping.

It's being poked and prodded, and giving up blood, and urine. Tests that hurt, tests that are embarrassing, tests that are scary.

It's bolstering your heart, preparing for the worst, and hoping, in the tiniest place in your heart, for the best. Because if you don't, and a babe in arms isn't waiting, you know you could lose yourself.

It's being desperate to give all your love to a child. Children. It's imagining picnics, soccer games, vacations.

It's wanting to comb curly hair, or maybe straight, and wash freckly skin, or maybe clear. And sing songs about boogie monsters, and smell fresh washed hair, falling asleep with a warm body next too you.

It's being afraid to say things out loud, because you might make them true.

It's uncertainty. Deafening uncertainty. Overwhelming fear, that you put into a box. And try not to look in to.

It's lonely.

It's rejoicing in other mothers, other babies, other lives. But still not wanting to hear about the ease of others conceptions.

It's staying quiet when told, "Adopt, then you will get pregnant. Think positive, then you will get pregnant. Try acupuncture, then you will get pregnant. Relax, then you will get pregnant"

It's being positive for others, because they want you to be happy, but you really just want to say,"I'm devastated. I'm heartbroken."

It's being diagnosed with "unexplained," which basically means we don't know, which leads to, "we really can't say what will work and what wont." So it adds up to a high stakes guessing game.

It's shots, after shots, after shots, after shots. It's bruises, in various places, your heart being one of them. It's money that you don't have, but don't regret spending, but still don't have.

It's recognizing that nobody really understands that your dreams, although not quite dead, are at breaking stage. It's a limbo between joy and sadness, happiness and pain.

It's realizing that the treatments you are now doing, are the end of the line for pregnancy. And here you are 6 years older than when you first started this, when you thought you would be done, but really you are just beginning. 

It's knowing that you can put everything you have left, into this last ditch effort, all your money, all your emotions, all your walls, and recognize that you can give it everything, but that doesn't guarantee anything. Only 40%.

It's putting your faith in God. Completely. You have no other choice. You have been completely
humbled. But you recognize your way isn't God's way. And Faith is a hard road sometimes.

Be gentle. Infertility is a lonely valley, traveled by two people, clinging to each other with all their might.

Day 7 of stims

Today is the 7th day I have had to stab myself in the belly to inject hormones to hopefully make some eggs grow. Based off my last two ultrasounds from day 6 of stims and day 4 of stims here is what we know.
May 9th: we had 14 follicles under 10 on the left and 13 follicles under 10 on the right. We also had 3 follicles measuring 10 on the left. Lining was an 8 If i remember correctly. First impression of this was not what I expected. I know I respond poorly, and I wanted more eggs than 3!

May 11th: we had 16 eggs on each side! Right side had a 15,14,12,12,12,10 and left had 3 10's. I think they said lining was a 12. We also had a follie measuring at 17 which we will ignore and hopefully he will stop sucking the juice from all the meds. This ultrasound also showed I needed to start Ganirelx which will prevent my body from ovulating on my own.

We are now up to 3 shots a day! Ganirelx in the morning at 730. And 150 of both Menopur and Follistim in the evening at 730-830. All are ok. Follistim hurting the least and menopur the most. The needle on the Ganirelx is dull for some reason and makes it hard for me to do that one on my own. The  hubby does that one for me.

Tentative ER will be next thursday-sat. Hopefully tomorrow will show more eggs growing and a better estimate on ER day.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

That needle goes where??

Well, my meds have came in the mail. Two ginormous boxes full! In them all types of goodies.... Here is the run-down, Hope your sitting!
Follistim Pen: 1
Follistim AQ 900 IU: 8
ENOXAPARIN 40 mg (Lovenox): 30
Ganirelix syringe: 8
Doxycycline 100 mg: 30
Menopur 75 IU: 22
Methylpred 16 mg: 4
Gonadotropin 10,000 UI: 1
Progesterone 50 MG: 60

And then the scary part......
Syringes! Lots and lots of Syringes!
22Gx1.5: 100 count
18Gx1.5: 80 count
Needles 25Gx 5/8: 20 count
 Not going to lie, the box and bag of syringes made me cringe! So nervous about the PIO shots in the booty. I have had them before and know they are not that bad, But, they were done at the office, not at home. My husband having to do them for me scares the flip flops right off me. Sheesh....

On another note, I am ready! I am so ready for this journey that I cannot wait! Everyday on BCP is another day closer to a baby in my arms. I have a really really good feeling about this first IVF. I know I get this feeling everytime its the first round of anything, Im praying this is a different outcome than the rest. Please God, let this be our Rainbow Baby!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

I have died everyday waiting for you.....

Song of moment really hits home. Christina Perri "A thousand years" touches my heart. Although this song is song to a spouse ( I would imagine from twilight) I cannot help but fall in love with the song and hope that one day I can sing it to our child. Our child that is just waiting to be conceived/born to the most wonderful, loving, caring, and appreciative  parents ever.

We are one step closer to our dream. The one dream that will forever change our lives. I cannot thank God enough that he has allowed us to strength to continue on and fight for what we want. We will be parents, God just needed a little help to get us there!!!

Day 9 of our first IVF cycle!

Thursday, April 5, 2012

First day of IVF #1

I honestly am still in shock. I can't believe that we are finally able to do IVF! AHHHHHHH!

Ok, anyways. Today was day 3 blood and ultrasound. FSH was 4.8 and there were 15 follies on the right and 20 on the left. I start birth control tonight and go in next wednesday for an IVF class, a mock transfer, blood work for the hubby, and finally to get the ARC financing in order for this IVF! I can't even wait. If you read, please pray, Pray that we only have to do this once. I am ready for whatever God is ready to give us. 1,2,3 It doesnt matter, I just want a healthy baby or babies. I want my take home baby, I am ready. Its time to become parents!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012


I have taken a long hiatus from blogging, mostly just because I suck. No good valid reason. Ive been busy with school, watching my niece and another family friend and saving money like there is no tomorrow. Considering me and Mr. C are not much for saving, this was a task in itself. But for what we were saving for, it came easy. Something we have always wanted, something to complete our family, and something that isnt something, Its someone. We have been saving for a procedure that will hopefully grant us the one true gift of becoming parents.

Today, is the first day of a very long road. Hopefully one with an extremely happy ending. I have my cycle day 3 blood work and ultrasound on Thursday and a class for IVF next Wednesday. This is real. This is happening. Through all of my sleepless tearful nights of how we would ever afford this, its happening, And I cannot even express the thrill, excitement, and happiness that fills my heart to know that we are close. Closer than ever to becoming parents.

Although the overwhelming happiness keeps me going, the sting of reality hits just as hard. This isn't a guarantee. And we could come out of these next 4 cycles without a baby and without all the money. I am not sure what I will feel at that point, as I cannot even imagine, but I do know this is our last shot. We will either become biological parents to a child (or children) through IVF or we will adopt.

Truthfully, we plan to adopt regardless of the outcome of the IVF. Its just a matter of time.

I really plan to update this more often, I want to remember every thought, feeling, and tear that goes into this journey. So if you follow, fasten your seatbelts. Your in for a real ride!