Friday, February 4, 2011


I have decided that its time for change. Well, actually it was time for change January 1st. So let me update you on this months many unexpected adventures. Hope your ready, This isn't going to be pretty.

January started another month of clomid treatment after the last cycle failed. Shocker I know. I was pretty down in the dumps as I always am after a failed cycle. My positive-ness (is that even a word?) surely returns about mid cycle and then crashes again with a negative test. Its an endless cycle of ups downs and the in betweens. Anyways, This month was different. I regained my positive outlook, started eating very healthy and losing weight (they say that this really helps PCOS, we will see) and even got the hubby on the healthy lifestyle wagon. Everything was looking up. Then, Of course something beyond shit-tastic had to happen. Someone close to me is pregnant. Talk about getting punched in the balls type feeling. I was crushed, hurt, bitter, and pissed for lack of better words. I separated myself from her for a little just to compose my own feelings and figure out what the hell I was going to do now. I surely cannot just pretend that I am OK, and that this is going to be all lollipops and dandelions.

My wonderful and extremely compassionate boss gave me a week off work to figure everything out. I try to not let personal life ever interfere with work, but at this point I was screwing up left and right. (Good thing I catch my own mistakes, lol) I knew that this week off would help me make appointments and call the insurance company that covers nothing and hope that maybe something slipped through the cracks and could be covered. So I did just that.

Today is the last workday that I have off, and I will be returning to work on Monday. My new schedule is now only 4 days a week. This cuts back a little bit of money, but the sanity I will get to keep maintaining doctors appointments will be worth it. It also gives me alone time because my husband still works on Wednesdays. Don't get me wrong, But you cant blame a girl for wanting alone time to gather thoughts and veg out on the couch and cry to every sappy movie on lifetime.

I have a new hope that things will work out eventually. I have made appointments with 2 different specialists.  One is close to home and has some great reviews from other women who have went to them. This place seems to have it all, and the doctor is female. I usually prefer a female because they seem more compassionate and caring, I used to prefer a female because I didn't want the world seeing my who-ha. I'm over those shenanigans, I automatically assume that every doctors appointment will involve me dropping my pants. The second fertility place I made an appointment for is in Lansing, It is far from me, but they are supposed to be one of the best in the us. Dr. Leach is who I will be seeing, Yes it is a male. But at this point I just don't give a damn! The one downfall about this great office is that any major procedures need to be completed and the Grand Rapids location. Not exactly a hop, skip, and a jump away. Benefit is I would see my Best friend and her adorable little princess. I am missing them to pieces! As much as visiting them is what would make me happy, I hope to do that without having to make an appointment in grand rapids. Making the appointment would mean another failed cycle, Here's to keeping my fingers crossed.

So... Today is a new day. And with a new day is new goals....
I am going to remain positive (keeping telling myself this)
I will update more
Try not to fly of the handle as much (just to justify this is totally Clomids fault)
Support my friend who needs it more than I do right now.
Remembering that keeping amazing people in your life help you cope with ones who are screw ups. And although our babymakers are broken, We are still amazing for pursuing one of the greatest challenges.


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